My sweet friend Aimee gave me this book as a gift (thanks, girlfriend!). It is a fun read because it is filled with short one to two page essays on many different topics. I can pick it up and read a section in just a minute or two. The author, Kathryn Sansone, has ten kids. I think anyone that has ten kids and can look that good is probably qualified to write a book about it. She has a lot of great advice and tips. (The nutty grammar girl in me has found three typos in the book so far, but I digress.) I will likely blog on some of her amazing tips another day. But she has one page with which I strongly disagree.On page 147, the essay is titled, “Go to Bed in Harmony.” This is Sansone’s own spin on the cliché, “Never go to bed angry.” I think that advice is stupid. I have been married for 13 years next month. In my experience, the WORST time to bring up a grievance is at bedtime. I totally blow things out of proportion when I am tired. I say things I regret. The shameful parts of me come out in full force. I have found when I am simmering inside the most successful approach is this.
1. Say to my husband, “Mr. Awesome, I am mad at you tonight. I don’t want to talk about it because I will just say things I regret. I am going to sleep.”
2. Mr. Awesome cautiously says to me, “Okay. That’s a good idea.”
3. I say, “Good night. I love you. But I am still mad.”
4. Sometimes, just putting the issues on the shelf like that make it so we can actually have a different conversation before we drift off. Sometimes I just go to sleep.
4. We go to sleep. I wake up and one of two things happens.
A. I realize that the issue was trivial at best. Mr. Awesome and I will talk about it and then it’s over. Or…
B. I can’t remember why I was mad.
And then the birds sing and the sun shines and all that junk. My point? In the morning things look better and your own Mr. Awesome is a whole lot cuter. If your name is Biffy you should never, ever bring up an argument when you are tired. You should just go to sleep.
7 comments:
I don't know about the Mr. Awesome part...but AMEN to the rest!
Oh, truer words were never spoken! I am a bear at bedtime and I ALWAYS say things I regret and it ALWAYS gets blown out of proportion and at 2 am, I just want to freakin' go to bed!
So true. You should write your own book - or at least be the editor of this one ;-)
I usually end up pestering Reed into a lengthy 'discussion' because I cannot sleep when I am feeling bad about something in our marriage. He will sleep just fine and that can sometimes tick me off even more. The majority of the time I wait until early morning and then spring it on him before our kids get up or we end up staying up way late into the night discussing things in circles and getting no where. I wish someone would just tell me how to deal with a hubby who doesn't want to talk about stuff. It's a struggle for a 'talker' like me :)
Who is this Mr. Awesome guy?
I have come to realize that 90% of all our trouble is because we are trying to discuss things at night. If I just let Janalynn go to bed then it usually solves everything. I guess that being tired in many cases is the reason we get upset. So staying up longer only exacerbates the problem.
I've never actually thought about why those late night "discussions" don't usually go over so well! But I think you got it right - tiredness and grumpiness go hand in hand and things are always worse than they really are! I'll take your advice from now on and just sleep on it.
i ALWAYS need time before we can discuss...that's been hard for kris to accept, but it keeps me from being a meany.
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