President Uchtdorf:
To me it appears that our splendid sisters sometimes undervalue their abilities—they focus on what is lacking or imperfect rather than what has been accomplished and who they really are. Perhaps you recognize this trait in someone you know really well. The good news is that this also points to an admirable quality: the innate desire to please the Lord to the best of your ability. Unfortunately, it can also lead to frustration, exhaustion, and unhappiness
Warning: I am about to cross into dangerous waters, so I’ll be brief:
I think that sometimes, in a desire to be the best we can be, women cross a line. The line is hazy, but exists nonetheless. On one side of the line is a woman who takes care of herself and her family, recognizes that it’s not all perfect all of the time, and tries to focus on what is needful. This is challenging and sometimes feels impossible. But there you are, on the side of the line that is hopefully sanity. The other side of the line is a woman who has become so preoccupied with becoming that perfect person that their focus has gone awry. The focus may have transferred to their physical appearance, to the cleanliness of their house, to having their kids in as many activities as possible, to being very service oriented to everyone except her family, or even to trying to live every principle of the gospel so perfectly that it is impossible to do it all. This can take many forms. I suspect this side of the line is fraught with hidden despair, one feels a prisoner of invisible expectations. What do you think of my analogy? Does it even make any sense? I think I have been on both sides of the line at different times in my life. I am so grateful to President Uchtdorf for recognizing the struggle we as women go through in trying to be the best we can be. His simple instruction to create and have compassion is truly inspired. More on that tomorrow…
6 comments:
Bottom line on this: I think it comes down to recognizing your true worth. The older I have gotten, the better I have become at it. I totally don't even get the whole 'blog envy' thing, because I am secure in who I am at this point. Now, I certainly struggle with wanting new things, worrying about always having a clean house (to the detriment of what's really important), and how my kids look; but I try very hard to keep it in perspective and focus on what is truly important. I feel better about myself if I am really studying my scriptures and enganging in meaningful service. None of us are perfect, but I really do think that we feel better about ourselves if we see ourselves how the Lord sees us and try to live up to it.
Now excuse me while I go clean my house for the ten-thousandth time today...
You have got some great discussions going on here at your blog page. I like your analogies. I know I have been on both sides of the line... sometimes I don't realize it, for a while either. It is hard becuase I don't mean to or want to end up on the other side. I just find myself there and really my intensions were all good. That was a really great talk he gave.
i don’t think women would have trouble getting out of balance if they were living their lives in a vacuum. i think the trouble starts when women see other women who seem to be more “on track” than they are. then the focus switches from what God wants to me to do, to what others expect me to do or even to what i hope others will think i’m doing.
like rochelle, i feel better about my progress in life when i’m doing the most important things: daily prayer and scripture study, attending the temple, etc…with my focus fixed on “what does God want me to do today.” i think this is the test of our entire lives and it will always be a daily struggle. but we can keep from becoming neurotic if we have the proper perspective.
Very timely Biffy. I think that as Women and Mothers we all have felt like we needed to do more or be "better" at one time or another. If I have learned anything in the 22 years I have been a mom is that there is no "perfect"; something or someone will always be left out. It could be your family, friends, husband, house, the gospel or yourself. No one can be the best at everything. We need to do our very best and know that the savior will do the rest.
I think that as wonen we DO cross that line far too often. And it is hazy because we are often looking through the wrong end of the looking glass. We may be looking to those around us for standards we feel we should uphold, and not singularly to the Savior for direction. And sometimes this happens even in the church. It can feel so overwhelming to have to do all these things which are good. And we take it too far which throws the balance and focus off. This is such a personal situation between yourself and the Lord. To find out where, what and when to do in our lives to have true joy and happiness and balance. And I think it differs from day to day and season to season in our lives sometimes. This is why constant prayer and scripture study are so necessary. To have the spirit guide us in this quest of proper focus. What is right for us today (clean the house) may not be right for us tomorrow (serve more).
We only become lost and alone and off balance when we wander - even for a brief moment - from the path.
I hope this makes sense, it does in my head anyway...
Wow, you guys all said it better than me. It's all about balance, trying our best, not comparing, and (thank you to Kim for the wonderful reminder) letting the Savior make up for the rest. These comments rock!
Saying comments rock sounds kinda cheesy, but there you go.
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